4 Things that you assume are part of your character… BUT actually are imposter syndrome 

These following points are signs of imposter syndrome:

1. Thinking that success is a bad thing or turns people into bad people.

The underlying issue is often feeling fear or guilt about success. I used to grow up with this phrase on repeat: “Money will not make you happy”.

“That doesn’t mean you cannot become EXCEPTIONAL or GREAT at what you do. You absolutely can!”

Noticed that my environment used to talk about success as a bad thing. Which my clients heard as well. Feeling guilty to talk about wanting success or turning into a successful, because they and I thought you would become “bad” or “greedy”.

Until I learned that there’s nothing bad about success or money.

The problem lies within your intentions. And let’s not forget broke and unsuccessful people can also have bad intentions. So the question is: Who do you want to be as a person? And also if you have money or success you can help more people, so it’s a good thing!

2. Thinking that you should be “the best”.

Allow me to drop a major TRUTH BOMB: Someone else is always going to better than you… That doesn’t mean you cannot become EXCEPTIONAL or GREAT at what you do. You absolutely can!

The hunt to become “the best” or “special” is exhausting. I can say this, as I’ve been there, done that. What I found is whenever I tried to focus on becoming the best, I lost my true authentic self. Because when you want to become the best, most of the times you focus on others who you want to outdo.

When I started working on becoming my best SELF. I started seeing a difference in my energy, vibe and the people I attracted.

3. Not feeling intelligent even when having a high degree

Let’s get real. There are different types of intelligence, but most people see intelligence as book-smart. And when you constantly hear that you’re not smart enough. Or land into places where there are people that are perceived as smart and you don’t sound nor look like them, you doubt your intelligence. You wonder how did I get here. Might even think that it is probably luck or that you just worked hard and fooled everybody.

Happy to announce you’re smarter than the person you see in the mirror. Time to change your self-talk!

4. Overworking to hide the feelings of inadequacy

Ooh, the accuracy of this one is painful, to say the least. People who overwork and are ambitious, either get underestimated or overestimated. When you’re underestimated you feel as if you need to prove that you’re better. When you’re overestimated you feel as if you need to prove that you can uphold that image.

Both have in common that you can’t come as you are. Which gives the feeling of not being good enough.

That’s why when you have this and people say to you: “Just do you”, you get a major error. What is doing you? Have you ever done it? Learning to see yourself separate from your work is essential to become your whole self.

Not a version of it.

As the new year starts, you might have scrolled on Instagram.

Slowly realising that a lot of people had a long caption, which looked like a full blog article under their pictures. Why?

Well, 2020 had people thinking. Thinking about their lives, relationships and careers.

For many people, 2020 was still a good year. Even though there was a pandemic, some lost their jobs and some struggled with their (mental) health.

image by Solen-Feyissa

But 2020 is over! 2021 walked through the door and here we are.

Just in time for the new years resolutions. The cliche “New year, New me!” conversations. And the feeling of a fresh start.

In this article, I will give you 3 tips to make 2021 a better year.

1. Focus on what you can control

In 2020 there were multiple situations we couldn’t control. As humans, we worry a lot about things we can’t control. It makes it easier to quit or to feel sorry for ourselves. Because if we don’t have the control, that means someone else is responsible.

“Get to know yourself. Ask yourself questions.”

Last year I saw people angry and frustrated. “When will the lockdown end?” “The government is taking all the control over us!” “I’m not a puppet of the government.” If you’re not a puppet, why are you getting so angry? If you know you don’t have the input to change the lockdown rules, why worry? You can think about what you CAN do.

It is time to take responsibility and ownership of your life. In 2021 you decide how you want to spend your life. When you stop focussing on the situation and start focussing on your REACTION to the situation, you can create actions that will make 2021 a better year.

2. Treat yourself like a loved one

How often do you say something to yourself that you wouldn’t dare to say to a friend you love? The saying “Just love yourself” makes me confused. What does it mean to love yourself? Do you get butterflies when you look at yourself in the mirror? Well, I do. And sometimes I hide from mirrors.

image by TayoAINAFILMS instagram

Falling in love with yourself is a process. If you never dated yourself, did nice things for yourself and bullied yourself with your thoughts. Best believe that it makes it hard to love yourself. It’s still important to make time to love yourself.

How do you do it?

• Get to know yourself. Ask yourself questions.
• Dress up for yourself.
• Say no to your own red flags
• Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror. And I mean actually looking.
• Compliment yourself.
• Buy yourself an intentional gift. Something you would buy for a friend.
• Create boundaries for yourself.

3. Make it easy for yourself

What we tend to do in our head…

…is to make an action extra difficult. This means that your motivation is also harder to find. If you ask yourself with every ‘difficult’ task, this question: “How would it be if it was EASY?”

You will notice that you come up with new creative and simple action steps.

For example: Something as easy as working out can become something exhausting in our head. If it were easy we could work out for just 5 minutes. Even while sitting. Without having to dress up in gym gear. What you can do next is simply Google “5-minute sitting workout”.

Easy right? If you still have resistance towards the actions. Wonder if it is something you actually want or something that you think you should do.

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If you haven’t started thinking about this year yet. Don’t worry there are enough days to work on making this year a better year. And sometimes a change of perspective does the most magic.

Here we go,  my first blog for Melanin Wonder. Let me do a quick introduction:

#blackwoman #entrepeneur #motherofthree #foodie #islandgyal #afrocarribean #afrolatina #twentyplusyearwoke #feminist #womanist #purporsedriven #africaismyreligion

Until my early twenties I would take being called African as an insult. I used to be the standard brainwashed Caribbean girl, who was proud of her ‘mixedness’  a.k.a. light-skinned girl. I really did not want to be associated with Africa or African people at all.

Now hold up Millenials! Before you start judging me. Please realise that I had this mindset way before natural hair became the norm. Even before the term  “woke” was a (cool) thing. Furthermore, the internet/social media was not what it is today.

Danitzah in Ghana Africa

As I joined various organisations with a black conscious agendas, everything I knew changed…..for the better. The change started with getting of the hair crack [hair relaxer]. I remember thinking: “Why  do I have the  need to tame my amazing, strong and wild curls?”.  Self development, growth and knowledge of self gradually helped me stop relaxing my natural hair.

The more I found out about Ancient Kemet, African empires and spirituality the more I got intrigued….. All these natural resources Africa possesses! I was mind blown. This is when I knew my image of Africa was a calculated distortion made by “others” to keep me from embracing my heritage, legacy and TRUE identity.

THE CHANGE

This realisation was life changing to me. All of a sudden I was not just a product of captured slaves. My herstory didn’t start in ‘boats’ being beaten, raped or tortured. I come from  a mighty continent. I am a the daughter of Mama Africa, therefor I am African.

“I am not African because I was born in Africa but because Africa was born in me.”

For the record: I don’t need anyone to acknowledge my “African-ness”. My ancestors being kidnapped from the mother continent and me being born in the Caribbean makes me an African in the diaspora does not diminish my identity. The same goes for all the Black/Melanin rich people who are still in denial of who they are……the denial of your “African-ness” doesn’t make you less African either. It just makes you a confused one.

Image taken by Emmanuel Bobbie [BOB PIXEL PHOTOGRAPHY]

The same thing goes for the Continental Africans who are born on the continent as well. I have seen discussions of Continentals accusing Diaspora Africans of cultural appropriation.

For instance the critical comments about Beyoncé for mimicking Orishas such as Oshun. They accused her of appropriating ancient African spirituality.  How can we appropriate something that is our birth right? It’s our heritage as well, isn’t it?

I want to state that I acknowledge the necessity to have this discussion. To raise these questions and have meaningful dialogues with each other about these topics is very necessary. Truth is we don’t know each other and end up approaching each other from a colonized perspective. So we need to decolonize how we view ourselves and each other.

That being said, let me go back to African spirituality. I grew up with my grandmother, she practised Santeria. Santería is also known as Regla de Ocha, Regla Lucumí, or Lucumí, it is known as an African diasporic religion that developed in Cuba between the 16th and 19th centuries.

It came through a process of syncretism between the traditional Yoruba religion of West Africa and the Roman Catholic form of Christianity. Deities as Oshun, Oya, Shango, Yemaya, Obatala, Ogun etc are very much a part of our culture. We are proud that despite the oppression and severe ramification our ancestors resisted, also on a spiritual level. 

Hallease

African in de Caribbean diaspora created under duress from the African Drums  the Caribbean Tambú. From Fufu came Funchi. Growing up I thought the tales of Anansi the Spider were Curaçao folklore, just to find out that these stores originated in West Africa and are told everywhere in the Afrikan Diaspora.

Danitzah with Braids rolled into Bantu Knots and African inspired attire

Continental & Diaspora Africa have always been connected. Kwame Nkrumah incorporated a black star on Ghana’s national flag, inspired by the Black Star Line. The Black Star Line (1919−1922)^[1] was a shipping line incorporated by Marcus Garvey,  key part of Garvey’s contribution to the Back-to-Africa movement. Marcus Garvey was a Jamaican.

So who is the real African? As Kwame Nkrumah said: “I am not African because I was born in Africa but because Africa was born in me.”

A huge part of Africa that is born in us….. is our African certificate in a way it is all that MELANIN WONDER embodies. So who are The Real Africans? It’s the melanin that is connecting us all for me. What is your view?

About the writer

Danitzah Jacobs (@danitzahjacobs) is a mother of three beautiful children. Besides being a womanist and a feminist she is also an entrepreneur. Over the years she has accumulated loads of knowledge on various topics such as Afro Caribbean & Latin cultures, African spirituality & Money Confidence. She is currently developing a ready meals foodline for her company Danitzah’s Afro Caribbean Kitchen but is also ready to launch a new fashion concept from Ghana.