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As a black woman many expectations are being placed on us

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Dear Reader,

This writer has gone through what she calls a pretty long week in an entire existence, ranging from anxiety, emotional stress and sense of unworthiness.
Have you ever gone through a time in your life when you feel like things are not going your way and you couldn’t even talk to anyone about, I bet you do.

 

So, here is a break down of what happened so far, as an African woman you are expected to achieve some things on or before you get to a certain age. I bet this doesn’t just affect Africans, or let me rephrase as a black woman many expectations are being placed on us. You have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way , feel a certain way, achieve the unachievable, get married at a certain age, and if at all you haven’t gotten married as from 25-years-old they start putting blames on the woman, saying; “Oh you are too picky your mates have gotten married”. I mean my African mum literally asked if I want to be a nun just because I have passed the age mark according to her expectations.

 

“My African mum literally asked if I want to be a nun just because I have passed the age mark according to her expectations”

 

“ Well in that case, if you are so much in a hurry get me a husband then”


I can remember when I wanted to leave my home country, my parents threatened me, saying “If you don’t introduce someone to us, we won’t let you travel out of the country” I had to say “ Well in that case, if you are so much in a hurry get me a husband then”. I have had discussion with people from different countries and cultures that also share the same experiences of their parent pressing hard for them to get married and even go to the extent of arranged marriages.

My African parents constantly remind me of my age and tellin me “time is not on your side”, in-fact they don’t care to know how I am doing or to know what’s going on in my head. I guess every parent has some sort of expectations they place on their kids.

 


As a child I never found solitude in speaking to my parents or even confiding in anyone because of fear. Knowing from people experiences, a lot of people have found it difficult to express their feelings and hide under the banner of ‘I cannot’ as a result of this it leads to mental health issues, as study state.


Mental health problems should not lead to fear but it could lead to fear when you feel the people close to you would feel that a particular situation should not make you feel a certain way or uncomfortable.

I know so many women have undergone this same situation and are still undergoing it, feel free to share your experience in the comment section. Remember you are not in this alone..

Meet Temi, the bubbly girl from Lagos currently living in Dublin city. She has a Master's Degree in Journalism and Media communication. As a freelance Journalist, she thrives in creativity and it is to no surprise she found her love in photography as well. Her stories are written from the conversation from the Horse's mouth, genuine, captivating, and unique!

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History

PLAYERS AFFECTED AS WAR BURST OUT BETWEEN RUSSIA AND UKRAINE

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As tension have been erupted between Russia and Ukraine. And supposedly a war has started between those two this has major impact on the people from both countries and also athletes have been impacted by this event happening right now as we are speaking.

Many players have had an hard time escaping the highly dangerous cities of
Ukraine. Others have been outspoken about the events, and others even have. Others have even canceled their contracts with teams such as the world famous CSKA Moscow.

In reaction to the invasion of Ukraine by Russia, Tornike Shengelia is the first CSKA player to break ties with his employer. In a historically tense context between Georgia and Russia, the captain of the Georgian
selection no longer wants to defend the colours of the Russian army club. The first Moscow player to publicly support Ukraine on Saturday morning, Tornike Shengelie went further. The Georgian star has decided to leave CSKA. “I made this decision in protest against Russia’s invasion of Ukraine,” he
reportedly told Commersant. Toko Shengelia was under contract until 2023 with Moscow.
Former leader of Baskonia, he is preparing to leave the Russian capital for Spain with his family.

“I consider it no longer
possible to continue
playing for the Russian
army club.

Other players like Donatas Motiejunas didn’t want to comment anything about basketball, just call for peace in Ukraine. After winning a Euroleague game against Fenerbahçe Beko his exact words were First of all we should take a moment of silence for all the things that are going on right now in Europe,” Motiejunas said. “A lot of innocent people are dying… please stop the war in Ukraine. Our thoughts and prayers are with that country right now.” He added a simple “Thank you” and left for the locker room. 

“A lot of innocent people are
dying. Please stop the war in
Ukraine. Our thoughts and
prayers are with that country
right now”

 

Ettore Messina: Losing a game is nothing compared to what’s happening in Ukraine

 

source: eurohoops.net

“Ukrainian referee
Boris Rhyzyk sent an
anti-war message in
light of the invasion
by Russia into his
country.”

 

 

Just before the tipoff of the EuroLeague match between Olympiacos Piraeus and Olimpia Milano, the camera captured Ukrainian referee Boris Ryzhyk holding a “Stop War” sign during the pregame ceremony. It was a message for what is taking place right now back at his home country which is facing a full-scale invasion by Russia since the early morning hours of Thursday, February 24

“I would like to express our sympathy to Boris
Ryzhyk,” Messina said. “I cannot even imagine what
he’s going through, this referee, who traveled here
today in such a horrible day for Europe with the war
beginning in Ukraine.”


Earlier on Thursday, Zalgiris Kaunas announced that the team won’t be playing its upcoming games in Russia against CSKA Moscow and Zenit St. Petersburg. Zalgiris general manager Paulius Motiejunas stated that they will be calling “Western” EuroLeague clubs to make a general boycott of their games against Russian teams.

Barcelona postponed the travel to St. Petersburg to face Zenit Friday February 25th, while Bayern Munich asked for its game against CSKA to be suspended. Ultimately, EuroLeague shut down all three games of Russian teams this week. A crucial remote meeting is planned to be held Friday when the 18 EuroLeague clubs will discuss how to proceed in light of these circumstances.

“It’s really difficult to make a comment when you see the games being canceled because of the situation because we don’t know what it’s going to happen in the future,” Messina said. “Losing a basketball game is nothing compared to what’s happening [in Ukraine]


As we can see not on only the population suffers. We are seeing a complete movement happening in the
basketball world as games in Russia are being postponed or even cancelled by opposing team in the Euroleague.

 

4 times nba champion and General Manager of the French Top club ASVEL, Tony Parker has al decided to not send his team out to Russia to compete in the 27th round of the Euroleague

“We will not go to Russia next
week..”

 LDLC ASVEL Villeurbanne will not play in Russia next week, team owner and formerprofessional player T ony Parker announcedThursday evening.


“We will not go to Russia next week,” he said after the Turkish Airlines EuroLeague Regular Season Round 27 contest versus ALBA Berlin at Astroballe, “I have already announced this to my players and my staff.
This goes beyond sport. We cannot accept the situation which is totally the opposite of our values. Sending our team to Russia is out of the question.”

ASVEL follows in the footsteps of Zalgiris Kaunas. The dominating champions of Lithuania previously declared their intentions to boycott future games in Russia. Meanwhile, as a result of the ongoing war, all three Round 27 games involving Russian teams were suspended. FC Barcelona had decided to postpone it’s own trip to Russia for a Round 27 meeting with Zenit Friday and a pushed back Round 19 game opposite CSKA. Moscow before Euroleague Basketball formally postponed the matchup in Saint Petersburg.

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True Story

What life could be like as an introvert – Saffira’s story

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Time Stamp: 16 January 2021

My name is Saffira Muntslag, I am a 24-year-old mother of a 2,5 year-old. A sweet and energetic little boy and we live in Amsterdam.

I used to be an assistant department manager with a good salary and a permanent contract. I was also training for career opportunities. I had savings and was looking forward to eventually buying a house. I was amazingly proud of myself. At the time I was only 22. All of a sudden everything I had built so far, collapsed!

Reality checked!

My son (that was only 6 months at the time) was having health problems. He was feeling stuffy and could hardly breathe. It was so bad that we had to visit the hospital almost every other day. One day it was so terrifying that we had to call the ambulance to pick us up. I never thought something like this could happen to us. From sleepless nights on the hard hospital beds to rushing to work just so I could still be on time. Because I was doing everything on autopilot, there was no time to be sad, tired, or emotional. I looked like a robot.

The situation around my son became physically and mentally too hard. Even though I often didn’t admit it. I worked full-time, followed an education and I was a mother of a little one who was constantly in the hospital. This ultimately resulted in the company and I having to part ways. So I no longer had a job and I stopped school. I lost everything… I have dysthymia (chronic depression) and I felt I was going to a dark place again. But now I have a son who needs me the most. So I refused! Then my self-love journey started.

Timestamp; 23 January 2020 – My rebirth date.

I was training 4 days a week with a personal trainer. I started to work on my appearance. Also was I an introvert, but slowly turned into an ambivert. After some difficult months, my son’s health got better and better.

 

Mom and son

I loved being a mother again, I loved life again in general.

I also applied for jobs again, but right at that moment, the first lockdown started. But that didn’t stop me, I wasn’t going to give up. The gyms were closing, but we were still training outside, which was waaaaay out of my comfort zone.

I felt so insecure and watched. My trainer used to make jokes that actually made me feel comfortable. I am very thankful for my trainer. He really pushed me to the fullest. Even when it was cold, rainy or even when I wasn’t feeling too well, I was there! 

The lockdown didn’t make the job applications easier.

My motivation was being tested, but I was determined. I had a temporary cleaning job at my primary school. I never thought I would have a job like this. But I was happy to have an occupation.

Unfortunately, this didn’t last for too long, because one of my sons close family members tested positive for covid-19. My son and I had to go in quarantine which led to being fired from the job. 

Giving up was not an option, so this setback didn’t stop me from pursuing it.

I applied for a job as a tram driver at GVB, which was a very long procedure, but happy as I was, I succeeded in every test. It felt like a victory. Unfortunately, this one was also for a short period of time. GVB had to stop the procedure because of the fewer travellers during the pandemic. And till this day I’m waiting for them to get in touch.

Long story short: in a time period of one year, I already had 4 jobs, and 3 missed opportunities.

Crazy enough my mental health got better and better. I opened up to new things and to meet new people. Because of all the jobs I gained experience and looked at life from a different view and in a different way.

I was receiving compliments from strangers, people looked up to me. I was glowing, and turning to a version of me that I didn’t even know I had in me.

What I’m trying to say with my story is; 

Find your inner peace and find yourself. Do not become a robot and enjoy the things around you, enjoy life.

I had lost everything, but I found myself back.

It’s okay to start all over again or to take a few steps back. It’s a lesson that can only get you better and stronger. Take good care of yourself, your inner peace, and everything you love. At the end of the day, this is what will keep you up and going!

The rest will follow. Just have faith. That’s above anything.

We start over from here.

Update: 16 December 2021

A lot has been changed in the last 12 months.

I had to get 3 jobs to survive. i re-applied for a job at GVB. The job offer for tram driver is still inactive, so I applied for tram conductor.

Since the 23rd. Of august (my son’s. birthday) I’m active as a tram conductor at GVB.

I finally found peace, I feel like the dirt is off my shoulders. My son is developing. We have been hospital free for 1,5 years now. I’m grateful to everyone who has helped me during this difficult and uncertain period.

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